digsandthat.com

DigsMagazine.com be the perfect host/ess .
.
.

what's for dinner?

take the poll

 

 

 

 

a home + living guide for the post-college, pre-parenthood, quasi-adult generation

03.29.2001

home
editor's note 
_____________

DEPARTMENTS
 
o lounge 
o nourish 
 
o host
o
laze
_____________

o BOARDS
o send an ECARD
_____________

about
contact
submit your ideas
search

 
..
party dilemma? Jump to the boards and talk.

copyright ©1999-2001
DigsMagazine.com.

03.29.2001: Etiquette Schmetiquette
common-sense manners for real-world living |
1 2 3
continued from page 2

Annoying friends of friend (answer cont.)...
So let’s analyze your options. If you continue to avoid Jane and Wayne, without any explanation whatsoever for your actions, there is absolutely, positively no way in hell that they won’t take the evasion as a personal insult. Unless they are preternaturally thick-skinned, or just plain dim, they will, at some point, begin to notice that their overtures for group excursions are met with constant rejection by you and your honey. And no one likes the feeling of rejection, right? Follow this path and you might as well bid a big buh-bye to the friendship right now.

On the other hand, it’s entirely possible that blurting out "I hate your best friends!" may come across as just a tad offensive to Jane and Wayne. Most people are fiercely loyal to their friends – as well they should be – and don’t take kindly to insinuations that they’ve done a lousy job of choosing any of those friends. It’s clear you have to do or say something about the situation, but the magnitude of how direct and honest you ought to be is going to depend in large part on what sort of people Jane and Wayne are. Forthright people tend to appreciate the brutal truth from others, and would far prefer to hear what’s really going on then continue to put up with forced politeness and lame excuses. But if Jane’s the sort of girl who gets pissy when you tease her about her cute but crazy guffaw of a laugh, or Wayne’s the kind of guy that gets defensive when you make a joke about his predilection for stupid movie comedies, a truckload of tact and a fair amount of white lying may be in order. 

Next time Jane calls you up suggesting another excruciating evening with Jill and Bill, tell her, yet again, that you can’t make it. But this time, let her know how sorry you are that it’s been so long since you and your boyfriend spent time with her and Wayne, and how you’d love to have the two of them over for dinner sometime so that you four can catch up. Sneak in those phrases "the two of you" and "the four of us" as frequently as you can during the conversation, and even the most oblivious of the socially inept will be able to do the math and realize that you just don’t want Jill and Bill added to the equation.

Got an 
 etiquette 
 question 
for us? 

Fire 
 away 

read more etiquette q+a

o

---------------------------> lounge . nourish . host . laze . home .