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06.27.2002: Etiquette Schmetiquette
common-sense manners for real-world living |
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continued from page 2

housewarming registry faux-pas ... cont.
But regardless of whether registering for a housewarming is appropriate or not, youíre absolutely right that it is generally considered to be rather a big no-no to include registry information in an invitation to any party that youíre throwing yourself, for all the obvious reasons. (If itís the new homeownerís pals throwing the party, on the other hand, and if youíre not opposed to housewarming registries in general, the inclusion of registry information isnít considered nearly so tacky). 

Still, I think itís important to think about intentions in cases such as these, since thereís nary a person I know these days who hasnít inadvertently committed at least the occasional etiquette breach. Is your friend thatís having the housewarming the sort who would invite someone to a housewarming party, and then be ticked-off if the person arrived sans gift? Or has she simply been misinformed regarding registry etiquette, and included the information solely as a courtesy to any guests who might wish to give a little something, rather than a not-so-subtle hint that guests absolutely must arrive with goods in tow? In the case of the former, Iíd probably just as soon not be friends with such a petty materialist anyway, but if thereís the chance of the latter, and if this friend has, up until this point, proven to be a kind person and a good friend, Iíd be inclined to let the faux pas pass Ė this time, anyway Ė and show up at the housewarming with something simple like a bottle of wine, or a pretty houseplant Ö but most decidedly not anything off that registry.

wedding gift quandaries ... 
Hello! I have a question. My husband and I went to a wedding this weekend in which he was an usher. We went through a lot to attend this wedding. It was 3 hours away from where we live. We had to get a babysitter for our son who is 2 for 3 days. We spent $650, aside from the gift, on his tux, hotel fees, drinks, food and so on. To a one income family with a toddler that is a lot of money. We also had a check in a card waiting for them. Well that night I forgot to leave the card. We would never ever not give someone a gift. And after the $650 we spent what is another $100. I knew it was rude of me but a friend you just got done doing all of that for will surely understand. I had the card all ready to send in the mail the next day (tomorrow). Well this evening we got a call from our "friend" telling us that we are rude and distasteful. After explaining to him over and over he continued to yell at us. 
So there it is the end of our friendship. We are so shocked and hurt by this. We are sending them the card tomorrow along with a letter telling them how we feel. We would like your opinion on this please. Are we the ones in the wrong? --- Amanda

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