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08.01.2002: Etiquette Schmetiquette
common-sense manners for real-world living
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continued from page 2
wedding guest quandaries

A: (cont.)
Should you and your boyfriend decide to do this, of course, proceed gently, and bear in mind that it is entirely possible that the bride will be rather miffed indeed. First off, and assuming your boyfriend has other friends who are attending this wedding, do a little asking around to see whether other significant others were included in the invitation Ė this will help you suss out whether the omission of your name may have been a mistake. 

Once youíve done a little research, approach the bride carefully. A blatant ďSo is it all right if I bring my girlfriend?Ē request is probably not the best way to word things, because itís entirely possible that it in fact isnít all right at all. Donít be demanding, donít get accusatory, donít act all hurt and offended if it turns out she really did mean to leave your name off the card. Instead, have your boyfriend be as honest as possible about how you both know itís not socially proper and all, but that he was wondering whether it might be possible for you, his partner, to attend the wedding along with him, because youíd both like to be able to be there to share in their day. Be as nice and as understanding as possible, and remember: once you decide to ask for the invite, itís you, not her, whoís now breaking the normal rules of social niceties. So if you get the sense sheís feeling pressured by the two of you, back off immediately, realize she has the perfect right to answer a big fat no, and resign yourself to the fact that your boyfriend, should he choose to go, will just have to attend this event all by his lonesome.


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