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tv: dead like me, wonderfalls
by Yee-Fan Sun
| 1 2 3

The last time I thought I knew what I was doing with my life, I was seventeen years old. I was starting my freshman year at a college I'd dreamed of going to my whole life, I was in love, and everything was going exactly the way I'd always planned. My future seemed clear: I'd study hard, go on to med school, become the doctor I'd wanted to be since the days when I was a kid playing with my beloved Fisher Price plastic medical kit. After we both finished school, the boy and I would get hitched; I'd have three beautiful, brilliant kids who'd represent the perfect mix of my genes and his. I had very specific dreams for what life would be like -- someday, in the future, when I grew up.

I hit thirty on my last birthday, and I still don't feel grown up. I'm not a doctor, though that's good, and the kids thing isn't going to happen, at least not the way I always imagined it. The older I get, the more I realize: I haven't a clue about where I'm heading, or what I'm doing, or why. That thought freaked me out, the first time it dawned on me. It was sometime between my sophomore and junior year of college; I was doing everything I always thought I wanted to be doing by that stage in my life, and I was miserable.

These days, I still ask myself what I want my life to be. But it doesn't worry me so much anymore, when I don't have the answers that is. Because what I'm beginning to suspect? It's the asking that's important -- questioning why, wondering what if, staying open to the many, many possibilities. So maybe that's why this week's DVD TV picks hit home so much with me. Both feature quasi-adult heroines asking themselves that same big ol' question…

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