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I'm still eating hors-díoeuvres left over from my New Yearís eve party. Tapenade and hummus and stale ciabatta bread. Cold fancy pizzas. Artichoke dip and raw veggies, which I occasionally call cruditťs, much to Ashís amusement (he thinks itís pretentious). The dips arenít doing much to help me in my resolution to shrink my ever-expanding thighs, but Iím trying not to obsess about the matter too much, since thereís nothing I find more tedious than a non-obese person who refuses to eat good food simply because theyíre being vain.

I always overcook for parties. I think itís my subconscious way of dealing with the stress of not knowing whether everyone that shows up will mingle easily and happily, of fighting off those nightmares that no one will show up at all. Food I can control; fun just has to happen. Frankly I still find that a little scary. Cooking comes naturally to me, but being the perfect hostess Ė relaxed, ever-charming, completely unflappable Ė this Iím still working towards.

Actually, thereís a lot Iím still working towards, and this being that resolutions-making time of year, theyíve been on my mind:

  1. Be a better hostess. Not perfect, because I suspect you have to be born to that, but Iíll be happy if I can throw a party without once worrying whether people are secretly plotting the most polite way of saying bye-bye.
  2. Eat well, lose weight. And by well I mean exactly that: good food, tasty food, food that isnít always perfectly "healthy." An impossibility, you say? Well I guess weíll see. I still donít believe in diets but I am committed to getting my daily dose of exercise, and learning to eat only when hungry. And if I still stay this weight, Iíll be content to accept that this is just the size Iím meant to be. I swear.
  3. Do the dishes immediately after meals, vacuum weekly, dust monthly, clean the toilet bowl before itís so nasty I can barely stand to look at it. Yes, Mom, Iím sure youíre horrified that these are goals I have to work towards, but what can I say. Iím a chaos-magnet. Neatness and cleanliness do not come naturally to me.
  4. Wean myself off bad TV. Don't get me wrong -- I love the boob tube. I'll still plan my schedule around Buffy/Angel every Tuesday night. But surely I can put those hours I waste on, oh, say Roswell, to more constructive use, right?
  5. Get out of the house more. Because much as I love my nest, thereís a great, big, wonderful world outside, and I donít see nearly enough of it.

So there. I've got me some goals. (I give it a month before I revert to my evil old ways Ö)


past editor's notes | 08.28.2000 ē 03.30.2000 ē 02.16.2000

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